Metaphorically Speaking by Caligula's Launderette — Poetry

Hey there! I'm here to review another one of your poems
I do like some of your phrases and imagery. You definitely have some interesting way of describing things that I didn't expect, not in a bad way or anything! But I was a bit confused by this overall. There are some things I'd like to mention. These are just suggestions, so you don't have to listen to them if you don't want to!

The first thing I'd like to mention is your poem as a whole, and also stanzas. At first, it started off as a regular poem, but then it turned into prose poetry. You did say the formatting got messed up when transferred over here, so maybe that's where the problem is. Either way, I think you need to pick one format - make the whole thing prose poetry or divide the second part into lines so it doesn't look like prose poetry. I'm going to try and divide it into one out of the many ways you could divide this into stanzas in the spoiler below. This is just to help you get started/give you an idea on how you could divide it!

Spoiler

The nauseating heat throws me backward
into pregnant water lilies,
Forgoing all custom of privacy and decorum for circumstance,
I spreadeagle as I hit the water,
my white dress soaking up water faster than expected,
Shoving me into a morphingliquid cradle.

When I open my mouth to breathe unrequited air
Water breathes into my lungs,
Stopping my heart for a second
like used cork in vintage wine bottles
And this is all metaphorically speaking.

This is really not the reason,
I am sopping in stickysweat from head to toe
I like to think it is, and then I’d have a reason
to feel guiltfree and indulge in that
But I don’t. You’ve done this.
Drenched everything but my soul in your maudlintang,
but soon it will go under along with that white dress.
Never cared much for it.
That’s okay it’s now tatteredblind.

Slowly in this nauseating heat I am loving you
for this escape into the unknown.
And dreading it at the same time.
But you know that, or you would be here rubbing circles in my back.
And my lungs don’t mind so much,
breathing this new air, this nectar of aqueous arousal.

You carved me a silhouette out of my own skin
to use as a barrier from the pangs,
and cloak and dagger of the outside world.

This was a bit hard to do, so take this idea lightly.

Also, I'm a bit confused by the bit at the end. What's the purpose of it? And what's the message you are trying to portray in this poem? I do think you could make it a bit clearer.

The nauseating heat throws me backward into pregnant water lilies,

Well that's quite a unique line!

Shoving me into a morphingliquid cradle.

I believe it should be "morphing liquid"

When I open my mouth to breathe unrequited air

That's interesting as to describe air as "unrequited"

Water breathes into my lungs,

It's also interesting to say water "breathes"

And this is all metaphorically speaking.

I don't think this line is necessary.

This is really not the reason, I am sopping in stickysweat from head to toe

I believe you meant "sticky sweat"

I like to think it is, and then I’d have a reason to feel guiltfree and indulge in that

I believe you meant "guilt free" or "guilt-free"

Drenched everything but my soul in your maudlintang,

Maudlintang? I'm not quite sure what that is.

That’s okay it’s now tatteredblind.

Perhaps you meant "tattered blind" but that's still a bit confusing.

Metaphorically speaking

I also don't think you need this.

Overall, I think you have a good idea, but this was confusing to read and understand. A few revisions, and I think this would be really good! I hope this helped!

Metaphorically Speaking

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